Stuff I need to work on ..


The question is what’s the point of writing? Why should I do it and why should I do it like this, open and public…. why should I expose myself and my story… .

http://www.science20.com/news/writing_down_feelings_really_does_make_us_feel_better_study_says

So writing helps people with their moods, labelling emotions increases activity in the pre-frontal cortex… yeah yeah, all good and great.. but why should I do it? Why should I expose myself and my insides?

look, I even found an article that values modesty 🙂 http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/713687/jewish/The-Communication-Trap.htm  .. I bet I could find an article online, even a study for just about anything… so whatever I want to do, I can find evidence that would support my choices… but that wouldn’t make me a scientist..

http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/Putting-Feelings-Into-Words-Produces-8047

Yet… we can’t get rid of our feelings…that would mean we turn to stone.. we need them to function, to motivate us, to drive us, to remind us that we are alive…. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201503/getting-rid-your-feelings-does-it-help

but the main question or concern is why should I do it here for anyone to read…. there’s value to that question and I appreciate the concern… yet there are plenty of us that choose to share….

  • for selfish reasons…
  • for getting the impression that someone out there is listening to us
  • believing that maybe our story helps someone else
  • imagining that you’re not alone, there are others like you
  • it’s easier to write then to speak about our emotions
  • it makes us feel vulnerable… yet in the same time sort of protected….

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So bottom line… there’s some stuff I have to work through.. and I will start today. I’ve been too busy and overwhelmed lately with mundane stuff to work on myself.. so I have to catch up…

Here we go..

  1. I’ve re-discovered meditation… I had a teachable moment the other day when loving-kindness was the best response I could have to the situation.. instead of anger and hate. I was quite surprised at myself how well it actually worked… I did read it and listened to it and tried it out.. and it didn’t take long to let the peaceful emotion of loving kindness to overtake me and engulf me in a positive light… It really helps to think of all of us as interconnected… cause really that’s what we are.. so that really makes me no better than anyone else, and if I wish love and peace for myself I can do the same for the others…f9814bbc4071ea4cf7543e5ec6999fb7
  2. I am working on truly accepting me for what and who I am… I need to accept this so I can work on changing what needs to be changed
  3. DBT worksheets:

Behavioral Chain Analysis of Problem Behavior Worksheet

1. Describe the specific PROBLEM BEHAVIOR
(flashback, cutting, disassociation, hiding, closeting, panic attack, etc.)

pulling away, breaking up, wanting to hurt myself, flashback of being abandoned and replaced, having let someone into my life, shared my feelings, now he’s walking all over them, i’m hurt

A. Be very specific and detailed. No vague terms.

B. Identify exactly what you did, said, thought or felt (if feelings are the targeted problem
behavior).

I want out, I’m worthless, I mean nothing to you

C. Describe the intensity of the behavior and other characteristics of the behavior that are
important.

very intense

D. Describe the problem behavior in enough detail that an actor in a play or movie could
recreate the behavior exactly.

Running away (literally, getting in the car is running away), not picking up the phone, when I do, I yell back and hang it up again, pulling my hair, saying to myself that i’m abandoned, that i don’t matter, that there’s no point in sharing emotions because i’m going to be walked on

2. Describe the specific PRECIPITATING EVENT that started the whole chain of behavior.

A.Start with the environmental event that started the chain. Always start with some
event in your environment, even if it doesn’t seem to you that the environmental
event “caused” the problem behavior. Possible questions to get at this are:

1. What exact event precipitated the start of the chain reaction?

already in a pissy mood

2. When did the sequence of events that led to the problem behavior
begin? When did the problem start?

interpersonal relationship problems communicating

3. What was going on the moment the problem started?

4. What were you doing, thinking, feeling, imagining at that time?

5. Why did the problem behavior happen on that days instead of the day
before?

in a bad mood and feeling pressured to be better

3. Describe in general VULNERABILITY FACTORS happening before the precipitating event. What factors or events made you more vulnerable to a problematic chain? Areas to examine are:

A. Physical illness; unbalanced eating or sleeping; injury

not sleeping enough

B. Use of drugs or alcohol; misuse of prescription drugs

none

C. Stressful events in the environment (either positive or negative)

important week for getting a job, stressed out because i may not have enough time to focus on it, and i can’t do it unless i’m focusing on it fully

D. Intense emotions, such as sadness, anger, fear, loneliness

anger cause i feel like there’s no time

E. Previous behaviors of your own that you found stressful

running errands in the rain, cause they need to get done, and i left them for last minute

4. Describe in excruciating detail THE CHAIN OF EVENTS that led up to the problem behavior.

A.What next? Imagine that your problem behavior is chained to the precipitating
event in the environment. How long is the chain? Where does it go? What are the
links? Write out all links in the chain of events, no matter how small. Be very
specific, as if you are writing a script for a play.

1.What exact thought (or belief), feeling, or action followed the precipitating
event? What thought, feeling, or action followed that? What next?

abandoned

not understood

not cared for my feelings and needs

I can’t stand this, I can’t do it

2.Look at each link in the chain after you write it. Was there another thought
feeling, or action that could have occurred? Could someone else have
thought, felt, or acted differently at that point?  If so, explain how that
specific thought, feeling, or action came to be.

  1. For each link in the chain, as if there is a smaller link I could describe.

B. The links can be thoughts, emotions, sensations and behaviors.

5. What are the CONSEQUENCES of this behavior? Be specific.

1.How did other people react immediately and later?

2.How did you feel immediately following the behavior? Later?

  1. What effect did the behavior have on you and your environment?

6. Describe in detail different SOLUTIONS to the problem.

A.Go back to the chain of your behaviors following the prompting event. Circle
each point or link indicating that if you had done something different, you would
have avoided the problem behavior.

B.What could you have done differently at each link in the chain of events to avoid
the problem behavior? What coping behaviors or skillful behaviors could you
have used?

7. Describe in detail the PREVENTION STRATEGY for how you could have kept the chain from starting by reducing your vulnerability to the chain.

8. Describe what you are going to do to REPAIR important or significant consequences of the problem behavior.

For each myth, write down a challenge that makes sense to you.

  1. I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.

    Challenge:

  2. If I make a request, this will show that I’m a very weak person.

    Challenge:

  3. I have to know whether a person is going to say yes before I make a request.

    Challenge:

  4. If I ask for something or say no, I can’t stand it if someone gets upset with me.

    Challenge:

  5. If they say no, it will kill me.

    Challenge:

  6. Making requests is a really pushy (bad, self-centered, selfish, etc.) thing to do.

    Challenge:

  7. Saying no to a request is always a selfish thing to do.

    Challenge:

  8. I should be willing to sacrifice my own needs for others.

    Challenge:

  9. I must be really inadequate if I can’t fix this myself.

    Challenge:

  10. Obviously, the problem is just in my head. If I would just think differently, I wouldn’t have to bother everybody else.

    Challenge:

ASKING                                                                                           SAYING NO

Don’t ask; don’t hint.

0–10¢

Do it without being asked.

Hint indirectly; take no.

20¢

Don’t complain; do it cheerfully.

Hint openly; take no.

30¢

Do it, even if you’re not cheerful about it.

Ask tentatively; take no.

40¢

Do it, but show that you’d rather not.

Ask gracefully, but take no.

50¢

Say you’d rather not, but do it gracefully.

Ask confidently; take no.

60¢

Say no firmly, but reconsider.

Ask confidently; resist no.

70¢

Say no confidently; resist saying yes.

Ask firmly; resist no.

80¢

Say no firmly; resist saying yes.

Ask firmly; insist; negotiate; keep trying.

90¢

Say no firmly; resist; negotiate.

Don’t take no for an answer.

$1.00

Don’t do it.

Relationship problem: Describe how the relationship is destructive or interfering with your life.

List Wise Mind pros and cons for ending the relationship.

Pros:

Cons:

Script Ideas for DEAR MAN, GIVE FAST to End a Relationship
1. Describe the relationship situation, or the problem that is the core reason you want to end the

relationship.

2. Express feelings/opinions about why the relationship needs to end for you.

3. Assert in your decision to end the relationship directly (circle the part you will use later in “broken record” to stay mindful if you need it).

4. Reinforcing comments to make about positive outcomes for both of you once the relationship is ended.

  1. Mindful and Appearing confident comments to make about how and when to end (if

    needed).

  2. Negotiating comments to make, plus turn-the-table comments to avoid getting off track and responding to insults or diversions (if needed).
  3. Validating comments about the other person’s wishes, feelings, or history of the relationship.
  4. Easy manner comments.
  5. Fair comments.

Check off opposite actions for love you have been doing: ‰‰1. Reminded myself why love is not justified.
‰‰2. Did the opposite of loving urges.
‰‰3. Avoided contact with reminders of loved one.

‰‰4. Other:

For each myth, write down a challenge that makes sense to you. Although the one already written may make a lot of sense, try to come up with another one or rewrite the one there in your own words.

1. There is a right way to feel in every situation.
Challenge: Every person responds differently to a situation. There is no correct or right way. My challenge:

2. Letting others know that I am feeling bad is a weakness.
Challenge: Letting others know that I am feeling bad is a healthy form of communication. My challenge:

3. Negative feelings are bad and destructive.
Challenge: Negative feelings are natural responses. They help me to create a better

understanding of the situation. My challenge:

4. Being emotional means being out of control.
Challenge: Being emotional means being a normal human being. My challenge:

5. Some emotions are stupid.
Challenge: Every emotion indicates how I am feeling in a certain situation. All emotions are

useful to help me understand what I am experiencing. My challenge:

6. All painful emotions are a result of a bad attitude.
Challenge: All painful emotions are natural responses to something. My challenge:

7. If others don’t approve of my feelings, I obviously shouldn’t feel the way I do. Challenge: I have every right to feel the way I do, regardless of what other people think. My challenge:

8. Other people are the best judges of how I am feeling.
Challenge: I am the best judge of how I feel. Other people can only guess how I feel. My challenge:

9. Painful emotions are not important and should be ignored.
Challenge: Painful emotions can be warning signs telling me that a situation I am in is not

good.
My challenge:

10. Extreme emotions get you a lot further than trying to regulate your emotions. Challenge: Extreme emotions can often cause trouble for me and for other people. If an

emotion is not effective, emotion regulation is a good idea. My challenge:

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