Just words


I haven’t had the chance to sit quietly with an emotion for a while …to just be in the moment…although now as I write I think I may be wrong….just not had the chance to sit with anger …

Ok….looking back to my last massive anger episode….when I posted and shared every thought…. I guess I did let it out…and did actually put it all on “paper”.. If I were analyze it..I’m quite sure I would see plenty of fear beneath the anger fear of losing control fear of being used fear of being put down fear of being punished for expressing my emotions inappropriately fear of messing things up again……

Ok!! So! I mess up! Whoopty do! Everyone messes up, no one is perfect, we all make mistakes, we all stumble and fall when we learn to walk……so give me a break! I’m learning how to deal with my emotions I’m learning how to deal with my triggers, how to handle my relationship how to handle my new life context how to live….so yeah I can’t do EVERYTHING that’s for sure. I can’t PLEASE everyone nor should I want to….gotta work on this one “pleasing everyone” it’s sooooo exhausting so try to make everybody happy…..why should it be my job to make EVERYONE happy????

It’s always been a problem of mine pleasing everyone ….. Makes sense in the context of BPD, that I would try to please people so they won’t abandon me…..but it’s soooo exhausting 

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