Need to write 

I am exhausted….. Today was the first “full” day of school for the eldest.. Yesterday just the youngest had a full day… And in the evening we had guests..the 3 girls and their mom (my ex/h’s new g/f) it went well till the 5 kids got to arguing…which is what usually happens after a few hours….especially since the middle girl likes to clean up and my youngest usually gets left behind in their games or ignored..but it went well. I wAs mostly civilized to her, probably over friendly…..tho at some point I did remind her that the house where she lives w my ex-h is still mine as well since I haven’t yet gotten my share of the $$. It’s funny how the two of them are planning a trip to kenya over xmas, funny because that’s where we spent our honeymoon:) 

Yeah I’m a bit all over the place…..mad at my bf, in love eith him, mad at my ex, not bothered by him, tired, hyper when I’m with my kids, friendly, bitch, understanding, PMDD-ing, happy, mad, sad, loving… Just all over the place 

When I started writing I was exhausted, but then I went to a 2h training on forex trading..which apparently re-energized me a bit…feeling hopeful that I get this job, as it would leave me plenty of free time with the boys and it would be well paid….

Let’s see what else….ex-h screamed at me yesterday for being late but I didn’t really give him the satisfaction of getting to me….not right then….

he told the boys that next time I am late he will leave them on the street…which of course led me to call him and yell back that if he’s got something to say to me he should do so, not send me messages through the boys 

What else….let’s see..Frienlover wants me to choose him over the boys… complaining that I haven’t asked anyone lately to spend time with them so I can be alone with him…

I feel like shit because I feel like he really doesn’t want to understand that, say this past weekend, yeah, we were supposed to spend it together but the boys didn’t want to to their dad, they wanted to spend the weekend with me…ok. Obviously I let the boys stay with me..and did my best to squeeze Friendlover in as well…which worked ok I would say, given that the boys already like him…so we did have alone time after they went to sleep and even during the day when they were playing….

But now he won’t come over to spend the night because he “prefers to sleep in his own bed “… And “why can’t I just ask the grandma to take them for a night”? Ok maybe I’m PMDD ing hard core…..but I think the boys are a bit fed up with being pingponged every day and the grandma is staying with them during the day when I have to work 

I get it, a woman with kids, divorced is a lot to handle but I don’t come alone I’ve got “baggage “…


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