Everyone gets fed up 


Everyone eventually gets fed up, it’s only natural, that’s why even the DBT specialists work in teams and get support…on a regular basis…dealing with BPD is exhausting….the constant pushing the constant need for validation….more so than the attachment process an infant goes through…..

With infants is easier…they are small they know nothing of the world and you as the future attachment figure are there for them…you as the parent help with everything: comfort, food, love, shelter, emotional support… You know, as the adult, that the infant is helpless and doesn’t know any better. No one in the right mind would ever expect an infant to know how to express his needs wants desires or emotions….so we as adults provide with plenty of patience for the infant….and yeah as he grows we teach him how to do all that….we validate his emotions, his needs and teach him how to express, how to recognize what he feels and how to deal with the world……

Except when we don’t…..when we constantly invalidate what he/she feels..when we constantly tell her that she has no reason to feel sad or angry or when we tell her not to get excited about something because it’s futile…when we tell him that he’s not supposed to feel that because it’s embarrassing because that’s a silly emotion ….more so, we tell them that they don’t know what they’re feeling and it doesn’t matter what they want because we’re the adults and we know better 

So..the child grows not knowing what he feels, never trusting his emotions never able to express his needs let alone his wants…

And then they expect you, when you’re adult to perfectly master expressing yourself naturally with wants and emotions….yet obviously you don’t know how to do it because you’ve been taught not to, you’ve been banned you’ve been punished for having tried it so you simply don’t know how to do it nor do you trust that you could do it. Snd so let’s say you try….you’re clumsy and it doesn’t come out well and then you feel stupid yeah stupid for having expressed yourself and stupid and guilty …and since you feel this way no one takes you seriously which is a negative reinforcement which leads you right back to not trusting yourself not trusting your emotions nor your needs let alone your wants 

And since you’re an adult they expect you to know how to expressor  if say they “understand” that you didn’t learn this at the right time (infancy and toddlerhood) they expect you to learn it a lot faster…..and if you do get it right every now and then they think you got it and should never slip up again 

It’s funny how we have patience with children (well, up until they can speak) and with adults we don’t……we expect adults to KNOW and if they don’t we expect them to learn fast, after all, they are adults and should know better 

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