Managing Interpersonal Anger

1.Assume the best; give the benefit of the doubt

Remind yourself that there are always many possibilities that could explain why anyone behaves as they do.

Remind yourself that everyone is doing the best he/she can.

2. Nonjudgmental stance: Let go of “shoulds”

Let things be as they are.

Notice and accept your dislike of things that are different than you wanted

3. Notice that your emotions color your understanding of what happens

Remind yourself that emotions lead us to conclusions, and emotional conclusions are often incomplete, if not completely inaccurate.

Identify and distinguish your thoughts from facts.

Identify which facts are consistent, inconsistent, or are ambiguous

in supporting your emotional conclusion.

If there is any doubt, check out your conclusions by asking the person and accepting the answer. (If necessary, remind yourself that you cannot be sure of others’ thoughts, feelings, intentions, or motivations without asking.)

4. Use opposite to emotion action, beginning by considering the other person’s perspective and empathizing with his/her experience of the situation.

Continue opposite action by gently avoiding, or acting with kindness.

5. Focus on regulating before acting on any conclusions

Focus on breathing, distracting, urge

– surfing, self

– soothing, and/or wise mind before accusing, attacking, or leaving in anger.

Remind yourself that even if your conclusion is correct, you will be more effective in dealing with it once you are emotionally regulated.

6. Turn the mind by asking: “Do I want to be right or effective?” and use willingness


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


Free BPD support service for families – Central Western Daily

via Free Borderline Personality Disorder support service for families | Central Western Daily

Back from the brink: Eastern Iowa man leading global mental health initiative

via Back from the brink: Eastern Iowa man leading global mental health initiative

What I Said When Asked Why I Write About Having Borderline – The Mighty

via What I Said When Asked Why I Write About Having Borderline | The Mighty

Recent Posts: DBT Peer Connections

Respecting Emotion & Regulating Emotion: An Introduction to Checking the Facts

Emotions are like a sixth sense because like sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, they give us important information about our environment that we need to survive. What makes emotions so special is that they help us to act quickly when logical thought is too slow for us to engage in problem-solving. (See Situations below.) However, for people who may be unusually emotionally reactive, sensitive, or have learned to judge or invalidate their emotional sixth sense from culture, values, gender roles, parents, family, loved ones, etc., emotions may not always cause the expected effective response. Therefore, dialectical behavior therapy came up with the skill checking the facts to help us figure out if our emotional responses fit the facts and intensity of a situation and whether an unwanted or distressing emotion needs skills toward accepting and changing or skills toward accepting and tolerating.

Consultation Team Agreements for DBT Peer Support Specialists

Adapted from the Linehan Board of Certification by Rachel Cara Gill For DBT Peer Connections Facebook Group Administrators Consultation Team All DBT Connections Facebook Group Administrators are required to complete the FREE DBT Skills Training E-course prior to joining the consultation team Request to join DBT Peer Connections Facebook Skills Support Group as a general […]

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 869 other followers

Follow Borderline & PMDD on


Blog Stats

  • 17,722 hits


%d bloggers like this: