INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS HANDOUT


Managing Interpersonal Anger

1.Assume the best; give the benefit of the doubt

Remind yourself that there are always many possibilities that could explain why anyone behaves as they do.

Remind yourself that everyone is doing the best he/she can.

2. Nonjudgmental stance: Let go of “shoulds”

Let things be as they are.

Notice and accept your dislike of things that are different than you wanted

3. Notice that your emotions color your understanding of what happens

Remind yourself that emotions lead us to conclusions, and emotional conclusions are often incomplete, if not completely inaccurate.

Identify and distinguish your thoughts from facts.

Identify which facts are consistent, inconsistent, or are ambiguous

in supporting your emotional conclusion.

If there is any doubt, check out your conclusions by asking the person and accepting the answer. (If necessary, remind yourself that you cannot be sure of others’ thoughts, feelings, intentions, or motivations without asking.)

4. Use opposite to emotion action, beginning by considering the other person’s perspective and empathizing with his/her experience of the situation.

Continue opposite action by gently avoiding, or acting with kindness.

5. Focus on regulating before acting on any conclusions

Focus on breathing, distracting, urge

– surfing, self

– soothing, and/or wise mind before accusing, attacking, or leaving in anger.

Remind yourself that even if your conclusion is correct, you will be more effective in dealing with it once you are emotionally regulated.

6. Turn the mind by asking: “Do I want to be right or effective?” and use willingness

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