Triggers


So…. I really hate triggers..but I am getting better at figuring them out../although when I’m pmdd-ing just about anything is a trigger…
Today the boys and I ran into ex-hub with his new g/f and her 3 girls at the grocery store…it was right after the boys had a mini-breakdown right there in the store…where the elder one bit my hand so hard I still have a mark…it took all my strength to not slap him, rather to let him release his anger and then all three of us literally take alone time to deal with the emotions…to let it pass… I realized yet again the effect of the move, the fact that ex’s g/f is moving into my old house just as I’m moving out…and realized that all these changes are affecting the boys, as well as me…
So right after we all calm down we run into the 4 of them…and the boys are all excited and hugging the girls and stuff… And I’m feeling angry I guess…or probably better yet, fear….that silly fear that their lives are better with the new blended family….
I’m quite sure that I’m not being replaced…. But I guess the emotions just are, I can’t help them, but I can learn to recognise what I’m feeling and just let them pass….

I know that I didn’t react optimally… The boys asked me if I stopped liking the girls and I said no, they’re not the problem…and then they asked about their dad’s g/f and I said that she stopped liking me….
Anyway ….I guess at least this time of month I really don’t like her

I’m trying to figure out why.. I mean I don’t even have anything with her…/perhaps it’s just her relation with my sons…
I know that this too shall pass…and my period will at least clear my perception a bit..enough to go back and practicing my dbt skills…

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