Relationship values


I have been thinking about what I value in friendships and relationships in general (e.g. the people I want in my inner circle).  Here’s what I came up with:

I am looking for and value people who:

  • Respect me.  Respect my opinion even if we disagree.  Are willing to see where I’m coming from.  Listen to me.
  • Keep in touch with me.  I appreciate when reaching out happens on both sides.
  • Have a sense of humor.  Appreciate mine.  Laugh.
  • Are willing to have deep conversations.
  • Are willing to grow.  Are working on their own healing work.  Are willing to acknowledge mine.
  • See my experiences as valid.
  • Are content with quiet moments.  Sometimes the best connections come from the spaces between words.
  • Are curious about what I’m doing.
  • Accept me for who I am.  Love me for it.
  • Are empathetic.
  • Communicate.  Are honest.
  • See and treat me as a peer.
  • Play.  Create…

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FREE DBT Skills Training Online! Participate in IRB Approved Research!

DBT Peer Connections

Do you want to take part in a free 6-week DBT skills training course? There is still one week left to get your name on the research participant interest list. All you need to do is fill out the form below. if you fit the study criteria, you will receive a formal invitation to join via email between 09/01/2015 and 09/15/2015. Thank you for support and interest. Please share this post!

Rachel Gill, Primary Researcher


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Artist Emma Phillips has Borderline Personality Disorder and tells ASLI “my work is hard hitting and I do feel the messages within my work could help create change how others perceive mental illness”.

ASLI MAGAZINE - creating change

Artist Emma Phillips Artist Emma Phillips

Emma Phillips, 40, from Branston, Staffordshire, UK, is a mixed media visual artist. Originally from Hertfordshire, Emma has been married for 12 years and has two children aged 8 and 11. A self professed adrenaline junkie who has completed 6 bungee jumps and who has done indoor sky-diving, this artist is a true champion when it comes to battling her illness every day.  After being signed off work due to her mental illness, Emma has taken her art a step further by expressing her inner world and the turbulence suffered from her ongoing illness, Borderline Personality Disorder. Emma has always loved art and it was her favourite subject at school and continued to study art and design until she had to drop out in year two due to her mental health. However now Emma is being given the opportunity to put her artistic ability toward the…

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Shared from WordPress relationship values

Relationship values –


Through words and actions…. if I’m in a good place, I’m quite talented with words, and I can express myself and how I feel…. but if I’m in a bad place I tend to be passive-agressive.. or simply grumpy and pulling away… I don’t like to say “no” which leads me to seem like a doormat in plenty of contexts…. yet in the same time I can be very crafty and persuasive with words…

I probably have some artistic talents, although not fully explored… I used to like to draw.. and I still do when I get a chance… I should probably try this more often as it’s very relaxing

I guess I can say that I also express myself in the way I look… which implies changing my hair a lot.. although mostly short, but I do like to experiment…

** I know this “31 days” is taking me a lot longer than 31 days, but I’m sticking to it, I don’t want to give it up, even if it’s taking me longer… I want to get better, I want and am committed to working on myself

Shared from WordPress

Brain scan selfie – and a parenting realisation –

UGA research links borderline personality traits with lowered empathy | EurekAlert! Science News

Those with borderline personality disorder, or BPD, a mental illness marked by unstable moods, often experience trouble maintaining interpersonal relationships. New research from the University of Georgia indicates that this may have to do with lowered brain activity in regions important for empathy in individuals with borderline personality traits. The findings were recently published in the journal Personality Disorders: Theory, Research and Treatment.

Source: UGA research links borderline personality traits with lowered empathy | EurekAlert! Science News

A good day..

A good day indeed…
We left the city, went to the mountains, visited an ancient Roman gold mine …held hands, had great sex, connected…

I have been reluctant to put my face here…but this picture shows me happy with Friendlover, who’s been more than that (more than a friend, more than just a lover)…and it really has been a great day

I have to say that lately I’ve been feeling a lot of connectedness with him…which of course comes with intense anxiety and a need to pull away…but somehow I think that I am still close..I do really like the feeling of connectedness…there’s a safe and loving emotion attached to it, stronger if I’m in the moment, mindful, than the need to pull away…😄



Managing Interpersonal Anger

1.Assume the best; give the benefit of the doubt

Remind yourself that there are always many possibilities that could explain why anyone behaves as they do.

Remind yourself that everyone is doing the best he/she can.

2. Nonjudgmental stance: Let go of “shoulds”

Let things be as they are.

Notice and accept your dislike of things that are different than you wanted

3. Notice that your emotions color your understanding of what happens

Remind yourself that emotions lead us to conclusions, and emotional conclusions are often incomplete, if not completely inaccurate.

Identify and distinguish your thoughts from facts.

Identify which facts are consistent, inconsistent, or are ambiguous

in supporting your emotional conclusion.

If there is any doubt, check out your conclusions by asking the person and accepting the answer. (If necessary, remind yourself that you cannot be sure of others’ thoughts, feelings, intentions, or motivations without asking.)

4. Use opposite to emotion action, beginning by considering the other person’s perspective and empathizing with his/her experience of the situation.

Continue opposite action by gently avoiding, or acting with kindness.

5. Focus on regulating before acting on any conclusions

Focus on breathing, distracting, urge

– surfing, self

– soothing, and/or wise mind before accusing, attacking, or leaving in anger.

Remind yourself that even if your conclusion is correct, you will be more effective in dealing with it once you are emotionally regulated.

6. Turn the mind by asking: “Do I want to be right or effective?” and use willingness

Great resource

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