I need …assertive 


One thing that i always find hard, but am working on, is to realise that you can only control youself, not others. 
You can try to be assertive, but in the end, if the other gets offended or upset, it’s not your fault. 

How can you be assertive? 

  

  • use I messages not You messages:

I am feeling/I need… Instead of it’s your fault/ you’re doing ..

  • stay calm but firm
  •  respect the other
  • don’t keep repeating the message, once it’s enough, as long as it’s clear
  • the goal is to get the message across not to convince or manipulate the other 

Keep practicing… You’re going to get it wrong at first… Maybe you tend to be passive, to feel bad that you’re trying to express your needs…trust me, I know…but you are also a human being that deserves respect and that can and should be able to express your needs…. Maybe you tend to be agressive… I know this one too, you feel like you’ve tried to express your need and the other just doesn’t get it, so you keep trying to explain, and you keep going over and over the same idea but in different forms…

Stop! Practice using short and clear messages, that simply express YOUR needs. 

Even if you don’t get it right at first, keep at it…with enough practice you’ll get it right 

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