Is it anger or is it fear?


What’s it like to have Borderline Personality Disorder

Anger… I think anger would be the main emotion… but is it anger? or is it just fear, raw fear of being abandoned again?

Or is it fear of being wrong, of getting it wrong yet again?

We are talking about relationships… since borderline mostly manifests itself in relationships. Funnily enough it mostly manifests in romantic relationships… for some reason we can handle professional stuff quite well, or can we?

Fear of pushing people away, although that’s exactly what you do. When they get to close you push them away. Why? Because you fear that they would leave… so it’s a hell of a lot easier to push them away before they leave, cause you’re sure they will, they always do.

When all you want is for them to hold you and caress you and be there for you… but you can’t ask for that. That would mean that you’d express your emotions, and that’s just wrong. Plain wrong. You know this because you learned that expressing your emotions is a big no no. Emotions are a sign of weakness, a sign of vulnerability….

Emotions…. They ARE natural. And yet you’re so freaking scared of expressing, especially love. Love, affection … all wrong, because they’re going to leave you.. so you push them away…

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